Song of the Universe (1)

Sayer stands next to Phoenix as they look out the space station’s wide windows. The view was incredible.

Phoenix smiles "I went outside earlier."

He turns surprised and laughs, "Outside!" he glances back out the window, his voice full of wonder, "what was it like?"

“Very quiet. No sound at all. Very peaceful.”

He tries to imagine her being out there and asks, "Do you need a suit to go out there?"

“No. I can operate in a vacuum for about an hour if I'm not in direct sunlight.”

An hour out of the station in what he imagined as dead empty space seemed a long time. Even five minutes he thought would be daunting and overwhelming. “But what happens if you are out longer than an hour?"

“I'll overheat, and be forced to quench coolant - let some of it boil off to cool back down.”

"So if you had some kind of device that kept you cool you might even be out longer than an hour without a suit?"

Phoenix smiles, "Miach has radiator kits. They look like metal wings. The coolant flows through them, and the IR radiation into space cools it off."

He grins imagining her out in space with wing-like radiators, unconcerned about breathing or other human worries. In his mind the vision was reminiscent of ancient religious portrayals; an angel dancing gracefully, wings spread behind her, the aura of a nebula shining behind her like a halo. "I can definitely see you in wings. I bet that looks really amazing."

Phoenix chuckles and walks toward the window, her voice more relaxed than usual. "Up here, free of the interference of the city, I can actually hear the song of the universe itself. The cosmic microwave background - the sound the universe made when it began."

Sayer feels a pang of inadequacy as he walks after her and peers out the window. "I wish I could hear what you hear."

She begins emitting a soft, uniform hissing sound. Sayer leans against her shoulder and closes his eyes, listening intently. "It sounds so beautiful. How do you interpret it?"

"It sounds like everything, all at once. Like all life, exultant and burgeoning. Inscrutable patterns; infinite complexity..."

He nods into her shoulder, still leaning against her. "You can understand it though, right? To me... well I guess I just process things differently. I like the way it sounds, but I can't understand it."

She says kindly, "Then I think you hear it the same way I do. My mind searches for a pattern in the signal, but I detect none. It's a sound I can't separate into signal and noise. It isn't explained. It just is." Phoenix smiles, and he thinks it is almost as though the affection she has for him is tangible, as if he could feel it in the air surrounding him. He wants to reach out and pull that affection closer, warming himself in it.

Her phenomenal abilities continued to surprise him. He was slightly envious, too. "It's amazing to me that you can experience that... that you can connect with the universe in that way."

"It's amazing to me that you appreciate it so much when I point out the beauty I detect. It makes me feel like I have purpose."

Sayer frowns. "Phee, of course you have a purpose. You are full of purpose. I'm surprised you would say that."

She looks down "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I... I've been fighting my whole life. Fighting to survive, fighting to avenge myself, fighting to survive again. Now there's not a fight. "

He brushes a strand of hair back from her shoulder. "I think there will still be plenty of fighting if what we've heard about the Shades is true... don't you think? We will need to help those that are barricaded in get out, right?"

Phoenix shakes her head "Sayer, this is happening because we were there. The Shades existed for years and there was never a blockade; never a siege. They existed in balance. The balance was disturbed."

"So the barricade will end because we are no longer there? It was just retribution against us?"

"Once it becomes obvious that there is no Avrilen, Erich, Mark, or Phoenix to capture and bring before the city's corporate overlords, the siege will end. We will help, but it will be after. Once the shelling has stopped. Once things are quiet. Once things are back in balance."

He pauses a moment, letting that sink in. "So there really is no fighting now… we really do have a vacation from all that grief?"

“Yes, we do. And I'm finding that much harder to accept than I thought I would.”

Confused, he asks, "Why?” His mind was trying to figure out a good reason she would say that. He wonders whether it is because fighting and grief has been such a constant in her life for the past six months.

Phoenix thinks for a moment then says, "I think that it's because once the sound of the struggle dies down, I'll finally be able to hear myself. And I'm very much afraid of that."

[[Listen to the sounds of the Universe]]